[016] embrace your future
the past is just a story we tell ourselves
To the person:
Every day, we navigate our lives guided by the stories we tell ourselves. These narratives shape our perceptions, influence our decisions, and define our identities. However, not all stories serve us well. Some are rooted in fear, regret, and doubt—reminders from a past that no longer exists yet still holds a surprising amount of influence over our present.
Fear and the Past
Fear often finds its roots in these stories. We replay moments of failure, rejection, and pain, allowing them to cast long shadows over our current lives. But here’s the truth: the past is gone. It exists only in our memories and the meaning we give to it. The only place fear can exist is in our mind.
Imagine your mind as a computer hard drive. Some files are filled with old documents detailing every misstep and misfortune. These files are large, and keeping them around can make your computer run slower. But you have the power to decide which files to keep and which to get rid of..
Letting Go
To move forward, we must first let go of the things that no longer serve us. Holding onto these narratives does nothing but chain us to a version of ourselves we are striving to outgrow. By continually revisiting these tales, we reinforce a cycle of self-doubt and hesitation, slowing our growth and potential.
Start by identifying the stories that spark fear and self-limitation. Ask yourself: Is this narrative helping me become the person I aspire to be? If the answer is no, it’s time to let it go. This doesn’t mean ignoring or forgetting the past, but rather, reframing it in a way that empowers rather than hinders. Deep within every loss is a lesson.
Writing a New Story
Embrace the concept of rewriting your story. Picture your life as a blank page, ready to be filled with new experiences, lessons, and triumphs. You are the author of your destiny, and you have the freedom to craft a narrative that reflects your true potential.
Begin by visualizing the person you want to become. What qualities does this future self possess? What goals have they achieved? How do they respond to challenges? Use this vision as your guide and start writing your new story with intention and positivity.
Steps to Change Your Narrative
Acknowledge the Old Stories: Identify the specific fears and limiting beliefs rooted in your past experiences.
Challenge Their Validity: Question the accuracy and relevance of these stories. Are they based on facts or perceptions? Do they reflect your current reality?
Lead with Positivity: Replace negative narratives with positive affirmations. Focus on your strengths, achievements, and the lessons learned from past experiences.
Set New Goals: Define clear, achievable goals that align with your vision for the future. Break them down into manageable steps and celebrate your progress.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this process. Change takes time, and setbacks are part of the journey. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer a friend.
Embrace Your Future
Remember, you are not your past. Every day is an opportunity to write a new chapter in your life. By letting go of the stories that hold you back, you create space for growth, joy, and fulfillment. Embrace the blank page before you and start crafting a narrative that celebrates your resilience, potential, and endless possibilities.
To the player:
It's easy to take an experience you've had on the court and internalize it as something inevitable. How many times have you missed a shot you wanted to make, turned the ball over in a key moment, or made a costly defensive error with the game on the line? These things happen to the best players in the world. When working with elite athletes, you learn that the best of them have the shortest memories. They don't dwell on mistakes; they move on quickly.
The Consuming Nature of Fear
Fear has the ability to consume a player. Throughout my career, I honestly believe there were times when I let the fear of failure or the fear of letting someone down hold me back from reaching my full potential. Fear, especially in the biggest moments, can cripple you and prevent you from taking the risks you deserve.
The Power of Hard Work
The most significant factor that helped me overcome my fear of failure was hard work. When you put in enough reps to the point where the result is predictable, it takes away a lot of the fear of the unknown. When you know that you’ve trained yourself to a level of mastery at a specific skill, you don’t fear what will happen when you have to perform that skill in front of thousands of people.
Gaining Perspective
Another thing that helped me overcome fear of failing on the court was having a better perspective on what life, in general, was about. Understanding that sport is simply a game, and even though it’s a very important part of life, the essence of life itself is so much greater than any result you can get on the playing field.
The Freedom to Experiment
Living with these ideas in mind, you free yourself up to experiment within the game and try things that you might not normally have tried because you put so much pressure on yourself to succeed. Going into situations with the mindset that you’ve already won—the ability to play the game in general is a win. At the end of the day, what do you really have to lose?
Remember, the game is just one part of life. Embrace it, enjoy it, and don't let fear hold you back. By putting in the work and maintaining the right perspective, you can overcome fear and reach your full potential on and off the court.
